Staying Sexy & Safe: A Personal Reflection on STI Testing
TikTok video from 2022-02-02
I used to think of STI testing as one of those things you only did if something seemed off. It wasn’t exactly on my radar when I was younger—I figured as long as I felt fine, I was fine. And, let’s be honest, bringing up sexual health in a new relationship feels like a total mood killer. But as I grew in my dating ife, I realized that nothing says confident and sexy quite like someone who takes charge of their health.
The First Time I Got Tested (Without Freaking Out)
The first time I got tested on my own terms, I wasn’t panicking or convinced something was wrong. I just wanted to know. I wanted that sense of control, the confidence of being able to look a partner in the eye and say, “I’ve got this covered.” And you know what? It wasn’t a big deal at all. No awkwardness, no scary moments—just a simple test, a quick chat with a provider, and peace of mind.
Since then, STI testing has become just another part of my routine. Like a dental checkup, but way less painful (and no weird tiny mirrors involved). It means I don’t have to carry around that little voice in my head whispering what if?. Instead, I get to focus on enjoying my relationships, knowing I’ve done my part to keep things safe and stress-free.
Getting Tested Is Easier Than You Think
I used to think getting tested would be a hassle, but it turns out there are a ton of easy options:
Walk-in clinics and health centers—Fast, private, and often free or low-cost. One low-cost option is www.stdcheck.com. Where you can get a 10-panel test for $140. They send the order to the lab… I use Quest Labs for this option…
Doctor’s visits—Just ask to add STI screening to your routine checkup.
At-home test kits—Discreet, simple, and as easy as mailing in a sample.
Blood donation centers—An unexpected but convenient option since some STI tests are included.
If I ever don’t know where to go, a quick search for “STI testing near me” always does the trick. No excuses.
Why This Matters in My Relationships
For me, STI testing isn’t just about health—it’s about trust, communication, and showing up for the people I care about. There’s something really powerful about normalizing the conversation. When I talk about testing openly with a new partner, I set the tone for honesty and mutual respect. And honestly? It’s kind of a turn-on to be with someone who takes their health (and mine) seriously.
What I Wish I Knew Sooner
It’s not just for “other people.” STIs don’t care if you’re careful, responsible, or selective. Regular testing is for everyone who’s sexually active.
It doesn’t have to be awkward. The more I talked about it, the easier it got. Now, bringing it up is just part of the conversation.
Most tests are quick and painless. A blood draw, a urine sample, or a swab—none of it is as dramatic as I once imagined.
It’s usually affordable. Many clinics offer free or low-cost options, and insurance often covers it.
Taking Control of My Sexual Health
Getting tested isn’t scary—it’s empowering. It’s about knowing, about taking responsibility, about walking into every relationship with confidence. I don’t wait for “signs” or “symptoms” anymore, because I know that the best way to care for myself and my partners is to stay ahead of it.
So if it’s been a while, maybe now’s the time to make that appointment or order that at-home test. You deserve that peace of mind. And honestly? There’s nothing sexier than being in control of your own well-being.
Seeing Hobbies as Metamours: A New Perspective on Time, Love & Balance
TikTok video from 2022-02-01
Relationships are wild ecosystems of love, time, and emotional energy. In polyamory, we learn to navigate multiple romantic connections, understanding that our partner’s other partners—our metamours—deserve space, respect, and trust. But what if we took that same approach with something else that demands attention and affection?
For me, that moment of clarity hit when I realized my husband’s deep love for music wasn’t just a hobby—it was a full-fledged relationship. It required time and dedication, just like any romantic connection. And once I saw it as a metamour, everything changed.
When a Passion Feels Like a Third Wheel
My husband has always been obsessed with music. He plays, writes, and disappears into his creative flow for hours. Early in our marriage, I found myself getting frustrated.
I felt ignored when he chose his guitar over time with me.
I took it personally, like his music was more important than our relationship.
I struggled to express my needs without feeling like I was being clingy or unsupportive.
But then, years later, we opened our relationship, and I had to learn how to coexist with metamours. That’s when it hit me:
Music had always been his first love. It was my metamour long before I had any human ones to navigate.
The Metamour Mindset: A Game-Changer
When I started thinking about music like a metamour, my whole perspective shifted. Instead of feeling like I was competing, I saw it differently:
His love for music wasn’t a rejection of me.
It fulfilled something in him that I couldn’t—and that was okay.
I could communicate my needs without asking him to give up something that brought him joy.
Applying This to Other Hobbies & Passions
We all have something we love deeply—something that lights us up and fuels our soul. For me, it’s entrepreneurship and creative work. I get lost in projects, and my husband has had to learn to adjust to my business relationships just like I accepted his music.
Instead of taking things personally, we started supporting each other’s passions.
We got better at communicating when we needed solo time vs. quality time.
We saw each other’s drive as something to celebrate, not something to compete with.
How to Stop Feeling Neglected & Start Finding Balance
If your partner’s hobby, career, or passion ever makes you feel left out, try asking yourself:
What am I actually feeling? Do I need more quality time, reassurance, or involvement?
Is this about being neglected, or about my partner nurturing another love in their life?
Have I clearly expressed what I need, or am I expecting them to read my mind?
Once you get to the real feelings behind it, you can have a conversation that strengthens your connection instead of turning into a battle for attention.
Tips for Navigating a Partner’s Passion
Communicate Openly
Instead of: "You always choose [hobby] over me."
Try:"I love that [hobby] makes you happy, and I also miss our time together. Can we set aside a night just for us?"
Celebrate Their Passion
Rather than seeing it as a rival:
Ask them to share it with you—watch, listen, or be part of their world.
Support their milestones the way you would if they were dating someone new.
Recognize that their joy adds to your relationship, rather than taking away from it.
⏳ Create Time for Reconnection
If their passion requires a lot of solo time, balance it by:
Planning regular date nights or check-ins.
Scheduling intentional time that’s just for the two of you.
Making sure both of you feel seen and valued.
What’s Your Experience?
Have you ever felt like a partner’s hobby or career was a third party in your relationship? How did you navigate it?
Drop your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear how you find balance in love, time, and personal passion!
Love, Laughter & Letting Go: My Most Embarrassing (Yet Adorable) Moment with Sapio
TikTok video from 2022-02-01
Romance is supposed to be candlelit dinners, deep gazes, and magical moments, right? “I’ll love you like the movies” are song lyrics, inspiring… but let’s be real. Sometimes, true love shows up in the most ridiculous, mortifying ways.
For me, it happened in a museum. I was feeling flawless in a stunning dress Sapio had gifted me—elegant, poised, and totally unprepared for what was about to go down.
The Museum Mishap: A Lesson in Humility
The Perfect Date (Until It Wasn’t)
We were strolling hand in hand, whispering jokes, soaking in the art, and basking in that intoxicating mix of romance and shared experiences. I felt like a walking romance novel. Seriously, he even pulled me into his arms and started slow dancing with me in one of the galleries…
And then… reality struck.
The Sound That Changed Everything
I leaned in to admire a sculpture, shifted my weight, and—oh, dear sweet universe—betrayal. A noise erupted from me that needed no explanation. Loud. Unapologetic. A true statement piece in the museum of life.
For one glorious second, I considered denial. Maybe Sapio hadn’t heard? Maybe it was an exhibit malfunction? But then, the encore performance happened. Louder. Prouder. More determined to ruin me.
To make things worse, a nearby stranger tried (and failed) to stifle a snort.
I was doomed.
The Beauty of Shared Laughter
I turned to Sapio, bracing for awkwardness. Would he pretend it never happened? Offer me a swift exit? Reevaluate his life choices?
Nope. He was dying laughing. Like, can’t-breathe, wipe-tears-from-your-eyes laughing. And then? The stranger joined in. And finally, I had no choice—I cracked up, too.
In that ridiculous, absurd, deeply human moment, something amazing happened. The embarrassment melted away. We weren’t just laughing at the situation—we were laughing together.
The Unexpected Relationship Upgrade
That night, as we lay in bed, I groaned. “Welp, there goes my air of mystery.”
Sapio grinned. “Honestly? That was kinda great.”
I squinted. “You mean humiliating.”
“No,” he said. “I mean… that level of comfort? That’s rare. We just hit a whole new milestone.”
I thought about it before replying, “That wasn’t comfort. That was inevitable.”
Cue more laughter.
I’m in my 50’s. I fart. I snore… I just have to accept my body where it is in this moment.” I’m glad he was able to accept it too.
The Real Secret to Love
Society tells us to keep things polished and perfect in relationships—to present our best selves for as long as possible. But the truth? Love isn’t about maintaining an illusion of grace. It’s about:
✅ Laughing at life’s awkward moments instead of dreading them.
✅ Embracing the messiness of being human.
✅ Knowing that someone adores you, fumbles and bodily mishaps included.
That absurd museum moment? It’s now one of my favorite memories with Sapio. Because love isn’t just in the grand gestures—it’s in the laughter, the chaos, and the delightfully unplanned.
Now, It’s Your Turn!
Tell me—what’s your funniest first fart moment in a relationship? Did it bring you closer? Send you into hiding? Strengthen your bond?
Drop your stories in the comments. No judgment. Just laughter, camaraderie, and the universal truth that we’re all gloriously, beautifully human. 💨😂
Understanding Nesting Partners in Polyamory: Love, Commitment, and Autonomy
TikTok video from 2022-01-26
Polyamory offers a world where love, commitment, and autonomy beautifully intertwine. While some relationships in polyamory are fluid and evolving, others are more structured—one such structure is having a nesting partner.
As someone who has been happily married for 37 years while navigating an open relationship, I’ve come to appreciate the depth and significance of having a nesting partner. It’s a relationship built on shared responsibility, emotional security, and deep connection—but without the constraints of exclusivity.
My nesting partner throughout my life was my husband. In 2024 we changed things up a bit because we lost our housing and fell on difficult times. Instead of frantically chasing a home that was out of our reach, we pivoted and decided to examine what was important to us and how we could make it work differently than what “was expected.”
I had always dreamed of traveling and having a more transitory adventure… Ev, on the other hand is a guy that thrives on routine. He was building his clientele for his handyman business and wasn’t feeling physically up to the challenge of non-permanence… He’d had some health issues over the summer and while he was recovering perfectly, his preference was to stay in FL and continue with his routine here…
That’s why polyamory really ended up being a dream come true for us. I had friends and lovers I could stay with around the country as I explored, and he had an established tribe, a consistent group of clients and had a perfect living situation to move into with a friend.
We both knew we’d be okay on our own, shifting our lives to being together, apart. The idea was that we’d rebuild and move back in together at the end of the year…
Whether you’re new to polyamory or simply curious about how nesting partnerships function in non-monogamy, this guide will provide insight into the role of nesting partners, how they coexist with other relationships, and why they matter in ethical non-monogamy (ENM).
What Is a Nesting Partner?
A nesting partner is a romantic or life partner with whom you share a home while maintaining autonomy within a non-monogamous dynamic. Unlike traditional monogamous cohabitation, a nesting partnership isn’t about exclusivity—it’s about building a stable and loving home together while embracing multiple relationships.
While many people in polyamory choose to have a primary nesting partner, others may have multiple nesting partners or opt for entirely separate living arrangements.
There’s no single way to structure a nesting partnership in polyamory. Some common arrangements include:
A single nesting partner with external relationships – One person you share a home with, while maintaining romantic connections outside the household.
Multiple nesting partners – Some polyamorous households include more than two partners living together, often creating a shared, supportive environment.
Solo polyamory with temporary cohabitation – Some poly individuals may live alone but occasionally cohabitate with partners for extended periods.
Maintaining healthy communication and trust allows nesting partnerships to thrive without diminishing outside relationships.
Key takeaways:
✅ Nesting partners provide a sense of being grounded while allowing for autonomy.
✅ Polyamorous cohabitation can take many forms—single nesting, multiple nesting partners, or temporary cohabitation. I am currently in the temporary cohabitation phase.
✅ Open communication and clear boundaries are essential for a thriving nesting partnership.
Love isn’t limited by structure—it flourishes in the spaces where commitment and autonomy meet. Whether you have a nesting partner or not, embracing the fluidity of polyamory allows relationships to evolve in ways that feel authentic to you.
Are you in a nesting partnership or considering one in polyamory? How do you balance commitment and autonomy in your relationships?
Drop a comment below or connect with me on social media—I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences! 💜
The Beauty of Metamour Relationships in Polyamory: Building Stronger Connections
TikTok video from 2022-01-24
When I first opened my marriage and embraced polyamory, I had no idea how much metamour relationships would impact my journey. A metamour—the partner of your partner—can be a stranger, an acquaintance, or even a close friend. How that relationship unfolds depends on communication, respect, and a willingness to let connections develop naturally.
For me, metamour relationships have become one of the most unexpected and beautiful aspects of ethical non-monogamy (ENM). They have taught me patience, trust, and the joy of seeing love exist in multiple forms.
What Are Metamours and Why Do They Matter?
A metamour is someone who is dating your partner but is not romantically or sexually involved with you. In polyamory, every relationship is different, and the connection between metamours can vary widely. Some develop close friendships, while others prefer a peaceful coexistence with mutual respect but little direct interaction.
Metamour relationships matter because they shape the overall dynamic in a polyamorous structure. A supportive and communicative metamour relationship can provide:
Emotional security by reducing jealousy and uncertainty.
A sense of community within polyamory, reinforcing the idea that love is abundant and not a competition.
Stronger relationships with shared partners, as mutual respect allows everyone to feel valued and acknowledged.
When nurtured with care, metamour relationships create a sense of extended family, offering support and stability in ethical non-monogamy.
A Real-Life Example: When Everyone Wins
One of my favorite metamour experiences happened when my partner Sapio came to visit for a weekend.
I had been seeing Sapio for some time, and while he and my husband had exchanged pleasantries before, they hadn’t spent much time together. I wasn’t sure how the weekend would go—would they find common ground? Would there be any tension?
But something beautiful happened. They bonded over football.
As they sat on the couch yelling at the TV, I realized something powerful: I didn’t need them to be best friends. I just needed them to feel comfortable and at ease with each other.
That weekend, we all got to laugh, share meals, and exist in a space where no one felt left out or insecure. It was a reminder that metamour relationships don’t have to look a certain way—sometimes, just being able to share space and respect each other is enough.
Keys to Building Strong Metamour Relationships
One of the biggest myths about polyamory is that all metamours need to be friends. While close friendships between metamours can be amazing, it’s not a requirement for a healthy dynamic. The key to success is fostering mutual respect, emotional security, and open communication.
Encouraging Open Communication
Good metamour relationships start with honest conversations and clear expectations. Not everyone will want regular interactions, and that’s okay. What matters is ensuring that:
Everyone is aware of each other’s existence.
Boundaries are established early on.
Communication is transparent but not forced—some metamours may prefer indirect communication through their shared partner, while others may enjoy direct conversations.
Respecting Each Other’s Roles in the Relationship
Every relationship is different, and comparing connections can lead to unnecessary conflict. Instead of focusing on who gets more time, more attention, or more intimacy, it’s important to appreciate the unique role each person plays.
One partner might share a passion for deep philosophical conversations, while another is the one you travel the world with. Both relationships are equally valid, just different. Honoring those differences allows love to exist without competition.
Letting Relationships Develop Organically
Not all metamours will naturally get along, and that’s okay. Some will become close friends, others will remain acquaintances, and some may choose to have very little interaction. Forcing a friendship isn’t necessary—what’s important is fostering an environment of mutual respect.
Jealousy is often rooted in fear of being replaced or excluded, but when metamours establish a healthy dynamic, it reduces tension and allows everyone to feel secure in their relationships. Whether that dynamic looks like active friendship or peaceful coexistence, the goal is to build a foundation of trust.
The Joy of Shared Community in Polyamory
One of the most beautiful aspects of strong metamour relationships is the shared sense of community they bring. Knowing that your partners genuinely like and respect each other creates a feeling of emotional security that extends beyond individual relationships.
There’s an immense joy in:
Watching metamours bond over shared interests.
Seeing the people you love enjoy each other’s company.
Knowing that your relationships are free from unnecessary tension or jealousy.
In polyamory, love extends beyond one-on-one connections—it becomes a network of people who support and care for each other in different ways. Some of my most cherished memories are simple moments of shared laughter, group dinners, and knowing that I don’t have to choose between the people I love.
My metamours are the partner’s of my husband and boyfriends… Recently, Orion, Ami, Hubby and his girlfriend (whom I’ll refer to as “Lovey”) and I all spent the day together at a local resort in FL.. Orion, Ami and I were on vacation, celebrating or 6th anniversary, and Hubby and Lovey joined us, celebrating their 2nd anniversary…
Today, I sit editing blog posts while my nesting partner (M) and his wife and daughter are on vacation in the Keys, and her boyfriend and I are holding down the fort at home… I guess we’ll have to write about polycules sometime soon too!
Conclusion
Metamour relationships are one of the most enriching parts of polyamory. They challenge traditional ideas of possessiveness and invite us to experience love as something expansive rather than restrictive.
Healthy metamour dynamics are built on communication, mutual respect, and emotional security. When approached with an open heart, they can lead to some of the most unexpected and rewarding connections.
If you’re in a polyamorous relationship, take a moment to reflect on your metamour dynamics. How do they shape your relationships? What steps can you take to foster a healthier, more secure connection?
Join the conversation—share your thoughts in the comments or connect with others in polyamory communities. Let’s celebrate the beauty of love in all its forms.
Love freely. Love fully. Love without limits.
The Many Beautiful Expressions of Love in Polyamory
TikTok video from 2022-01-20
When I first opened my heart to polyamory, I didn’t realize just how expansive love could be. I never had kids, so I never had that experience that my girlfriends had had, after giving birth to a second child, “I didn’t know I had the capacity to love a whole new being so completely!”
I knew love wasn’t something that could be contained in one relationship, but what I didn’t expect was the infinite ways it could manifest—romantic, platonic, sensual, intellectual, and even spiritual.
For me, polyamory isn’t just about having multiple partners. It’s about letting love flow freely in all its breathtaking forms. It’s about deep friendships, chosen family, and the joy of witnessing the people I love forming meaningful connections with others.
Love isn’t just one thing in polyamory—it’s everything.
Understanding Intimacy Beyond Romantic Partnerships
One of the biggest misconceptions about polyamory is that it’s all about sex or romance. But intimacy isn’t limited to just those things—it’s woven into our friendships, our deep conversations, and the way we care for each other.
Different forms of intimacy show up in unexpected ways. I have friendships that are just as emotionally fulfilling as romantic relationships. I have a queerplatonic partner—someone I love deeply, and support through life’s ups and downs, even though our relationship isn’t sexual.
Polyamory has taught me that intimacy is limitless. It’s a warm hug from a friend when I need comfort. It’s the silent understanding between me and a partner when words aren’t necessary. It’s the feeling of being truly seen and accepted.
Polyamory is an extension of love in its most natural form. When people say, “I could never do polyamory because I can only love one person at a time,” I gently challenge that idea. Okay… sometimes, not so gently, if I’m honest.
We already love multiple people—our family, our friends, our mentors, our soulmates. Love isn’t restricted to just one person, so why should it be confined to just one kind of relationship?
Polyamory is simply an acknowledgment that love is abundant, not scarce.
The Expansive Nature of Love: A Comparison to Parenthood and Friendships
Love grows, it doesn’t divide. One of the best ways I explain polyamory to people is by comparing it to parental love.
A parent doesn’t split their love between their children. They love each one fully and uniquely. The arrival of a second child doesn’t diminish love for the first—it expands it, as I exemplified above…
That’s how love works in polyamory. Adding love never takes away from what already exists—it enhances it.
The multidimensional nature of friendships is another perfect example. Think about how different friendships serve different parts of your soul.
The friend you call when you need adventure. The one you turn to for deep, late-night talks. The one who makes you laugh until you cry.
Each relationship is special in its own way, fulfilling a unique need. Polyamory no different—every connection adds something valuable and irreplaceable.
This is why I cherish my polyamorous chosen family. Some of us are lovers, some of us are best friends, some of us are something in between—but we are all deeply connected.
The Thriving, Diverse Relationships in Polyamory
Romantic and sexual variations exist in polyamory in ways that allow for freedom and fulfillment. One partner might bring a fiery, passionate romance. Another might offer deep emotional intimacy and companionship. Someone else might bring a playful, lighthearted connection.
Each relationship is unique and fulfilling in its own way. There is no need to place all expectations on one person—love is meant to be shared, not confined.
The special bond of a queerplatonic relationship is one of my most treasured relationships. My queerplatonic partner and I love each other fiercely, but our relationship isn’t romantic or sexual—it’s something else entirely, something just as powerful.
It’s a love that defies definition, but it’s just as real as any romantic partnership. In polyamory, we have the freedom to define our relationships on our own terms, and that is something truly magical.
The Magic of a Connected, Open-Hearted Tribe
One of the most incredible feelings for me in polyamory is seeing my loved ones form connections with each other.
There is something euphoric about watching my partners and friends bond over shared interests, inside jokes, and deep conversations. There’s no jealousy—just joy in seeing them happy.
I’ve watched my lovers become best friends. I’ve seen partners turn into family. I’ve felt the comfort of knowing I am surrounded by love, no matter where I go.
This is the magic of a polyamorous tribe—where love, trust, and friendship intertwine, and no one is left out.
The Beauty of Transparency and Authenticity in Polyamory
There is a peace and security in knowing that everyone in my life is aware of each other and connected in some way.
No secrets. No hiding. Just open, honest relationships built on mutual respect and trust.
Some of my favorite moments in polyamory aren’t grand romantic gestures—they’re the simple, everyday interactions. Watching two of my partners nerd out over their shared love of science fiction. Sitting around a bonfire with my lovers and best friends, laughing late into the night. Seeing my partner’s partner smile because they feel welcome and valued in our space.
Polyamory isn’t just about romance—it’s about community, connection, and living authentically.
Conclusion: Love Is Infinite, If You Let It Be
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from polyamory, it’s this: love is boundless. It is breathtaking. It is infinite.
Polyamory has taught me to embrace every form of love—romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, familial, and everything in between.
It has shown me that love is never something to fear or restrict—it is something to celebrate and nurture.
And the best part? There’s no right or wrong way to love—only what feels authentic to you.
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How do you experience love in your life?
Take a moment to reflect on all the relationships that bring you joy—your friendships, your chosen family, your soul connections.
Love exists in so many forms, and polyamory is just one of many ways to honor that.
Join the conversation—share your thoughts in the comments or connect with like-minded people in polyamory communities.
Let’s celebrate love in all its beautiful, infinite expressions.
Love freely. Love fully. Love without limits.
Navigating Jealousy and Autonomy in Ethical Non-Monogamy
TikTok video from 2022-01-15
Jealousy is often seen as the biggest challenge in ethical non-monogamy (ENM), but in reality, it can be a powerful tool for self-growth. In my journey through non-monogamous relationships, I have encountered jealousy in unexpected ways. While I’ve never considered myself a naturally jealous person, moments of insecurity have surfaced, forcing me to confront my emotions head-on.
At the core of non-monogamy lies a delicate balance between jealousy and autonomy—allowing a partner the freedom to explore new connections while maintaining trust and emotional security. This balance isn’t always easy, but it’s one that has transformed my relationships and deepened my understanding of love.
This is a story of how I learned to navigate jealousy, embrace autonomy, and ultimately strengthen my connection with my partner, Sapio. There are other instances of jealousy that have come up, but that’s for another post…
Understanding Jealousy in Non-Monogamous Relationships
Even in well-established ENM relationships, jealousy can arise. It isn’t always about possessiveness or distrust—it often stems from deeper emotions like insecurity, fear of loss, or unmet needs.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that jealousy and insecurity are not the same. Jealousy is an emotion, while insecurity is the underlying belief that fuels it. Recognizing this distinction allowed for more effective self-reflection and emotional processing when I found myself with emotions I’d never had to process before!
Jealousy isn’t an indication that something is wrong—it’s an invitation to explore what’s beneath the surface. Historically, we blame another person for “making us jealous,” when in fact, the underlying reasons we might feel jealousy are within. We are jealous for reasons that our partners have given us a chance to explore… Instead of suppressing these feelings, I’ve learned to sit with them, question them, and use them as a tool for personal growth.
The Story of Sapio – A Sapiosexual Connection
One of the most profound relationships I’ve built in my ENM journey is with Sapio, a partner whose intelligence and depth immediately captivated me. As a sapiosexual, I’m drawn to intellectual connection as much as physical attraction, and our bond was built on deep conversations, shared curiosity, and mutual exploration.
However, non-monogamy requires constant emotional flexibility. As Sapio’s dating life became more active, I found myself faced with moments of discomfort. I had always believed I was secure in my relationships, yet watching him form new connections made me realize I had emotional layers I hadn’t yet explored.
The Trigger: Rope Play and Wax Play with a New Partner
One evening, I learned that Sapio had engaged in rope play and wax play with a new partner. These were activities we had previously shared together, and that he had learned because of our connection and while I had never felt possessive before, something shifted inside me.
I felt an unexpected wave of jealousy—not because of the physical act itself, but because I had associated those experiences with our unique connection. Suddenly, it felt like something that had been "ours" was now being shared with someone else.
Rather than acting on my emotions impulsively, I took a step back to process what I was feeling. I reminded myself that love is not about ownership, and shared experiences do not diminish the bond we have. But understanding this intellectually didn’t make the emotions disappear. I had to do the inner work to navigate this moment with self-awareness and honesty.
Communication as the Key to Resolution
Instead of letting jealousy fester, I chose to talk openly with Sapio. I shared my emotions without placing blame, expressing my feelings rather than making accusations.
What I learned in this conversation was invaluable:
Sapio hadn’t intended to take anything away from our bond—he simply enjoyed exploring different experiences with different people.
His connection with his new partner didn’t change what we shared—it added to his growth, which ultimately benefited our relationship as well.
My feelings weren’t about the activity itself, but about my need for reassurance and emotional validation.
Through honest communication, we reaffirmed our trust and autonomy. I realized that my desire to keep certain experiences exclusive was more about comfort than love. Love is not about controlling experiences—it’s about sharing them freely.
Shifting Perspective: How Letting Go Strengthens the Relationship
Once I let go of my initial possessiveness, I saw how Sapio’s exploration was actually enriching our connection. He brought back new energy, insights, and emotional depth into our relationship. He was also practicing his new craft (and enjoying it), and that gave him even more confidence when we played together… While I enjoy wax play, I’m a wimp and don’t like the pain part of it, so Sapio, practicing with someone with a higher pain tolerance, helped him learn how to navigate the play for the benefit of both of us.
Instead of focusing on what was being "shared," I reframed the situation:
His experiences with others didn’t detract from what we had—they expanded it.
The skills and knowledge he gained through new connections enhanced our intimacy rather than replacing it.
By letting go of control, I opened the door for deeper trust and emotional security.
This shift in perspective was a turning point for me. I stopped seeing relationships as compartments that needed strict boundaries and instead embraced the idea that love is fluid, abundant, and limitless.
Lessons Learned About Jealousy and Growth
Through this experience, I gained key insights into navigating jealousy and autonomy in ENM:
Jealousy is a natural emotion, but it doesn’t have to dictate behavior. Feeling jealous doesn’t mean something is wrong—it means there’s an opportunity for deeper self-reflection.
Autonomy and trust are the foundation of healthy non-monogamous relationships. Controlling a partner’s experiences doesn’t create security—mutual respect and open communication do.
Reframing experiences can lead to personal and relational growth. Instead of seeing new connections as threats, view them as opportunities to expand love and deepen emotional bonds.
Conclusion
My journey through jealousy, self-reflection, and autonomy has been transformative. By facing my emotions rather than avoiding them, I’ve strengthened my relationships, deepened my sense of self, and cultivated a more fulfilling experience of love.
Ethical non-monogamy isn’t just about multiple partners—it’s about growth, trust, and emotional freedom. Letting go of possessiveness doesn’t mean letting go of love; in fact, it allows love to flourish in ways that monogamous structures often restrict.
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If you’re navigating jealousy in ethical non-monogamy, take the time to reflect on where those emotions are coming from. Communicate openly, embrace autonomy, and challenge the belief that love is finite.
Join the conversation—share your experiences, thoughts, and insights on jealousy and autonomy in ENM. Let’s build a community where love isn’t about limits, but about expansion, connection, and trust.
Understanding Jealousy and Compersion in Ethical Non-Monogamy
TikTok video from 2022-01-14
When people hear that I practice ethical non-monogamy (ENM), one of the first questions they ask is, “Don’t you get jealous?”
The short answer? Yes, sometimes. But what I’ve learned over the years is that jealousy isn’t the enemy—it’s a teacher.
Before I opened my marriage, I assumed jealousy was a sign that something was wrong in a relationship. Now, I see it as an invitation to understand myself more deeply. But jealousy isn’t the only emotion that exists in non-monogamous relationships.
There’s another feeling that took me by surprise: compersion—the joy of seeing someone you love happy with someone else. It’s the opposite of jealousy, but that doesn’t mean the two can’t coexist. This is my journey of learning to navigate jealousy while embracing compersion, trust, and emotional security.
What Compersion Feels Like
I remember the first time I truly felt compersion.
My husband had started dating someone new, and instead of feeling anxious or insecure, I found myself smiling when he told me about their date. He was glowing, his excitement was infectious, and I felt genuinely happy for him.
It reminded me of the joy I feel when:
A close friend gets their dream job.
My child accomplishes something they’ve worked hard for.
A loved one finds happiness in a new relationship.
Compersion isn’t unique to ENM—it’s a natural feeling we all experience in different ways. It’s about celebrating the happiness of those we love, even when their joy isn’t directly tied to us.
The Role of Compersion in Ethical Non-Monogamy
In traditional relationships, love is often measured by exclusivity. We’re taught that “If you really love someone, you won’t want to share them.”
But in ENM, love isn’t about ownership—it’s about trust, autonomy, and fulfillment.
Compersion shifts the focus from possessiveness to shared joy. It allows me to recognize that my husband’s connection with someone else doesn’t diminish what we share. In fact, it often deepens our relationship, reinforcing our emotional security and communication.
When I lean into compersion, I feel:
More resilient in my relationships.
Stronger in my sense of self.
More connected to my partners.
But feeling compersion doesn’t mean I never experience jealousy. It just means I’ve learned how to navigate jealousy in a way that strengthens my relationships rather than harming them.
How I Process Jealousy in Non-Monogamous Relationships
Jealousy is complex, and for me, it’s rarely about the fear of losing someone. More often, it’s about:
Comparison—worrying that my partner’s other relationships are more exciting or meaningful.
Exclusion—feeling left out when my partner has an experience that I’m not part of.
Unmet Needs—recognizing that I’m feeling disconnected or neglected.
Instead of suppressing jealousy, I’ve learned to meet it with curiosity. When jealousy arises, I ask myself:
What am I really feeling? Am I afraid of being replaced, or do I just need reassurance?
What do I need right now? More quality time? A conversation with my partner? A self-care day?
How can I communicate my feelings in a healthy way? Instead of saying, “You make me jealous,” I try, “I’m feeling insecure, and I’d love some reassurance.”
This shift in mindset has allowed me to see jealousy as a signal rather than a problem. When I acknowledge my feelings and communicate openly, my relationships become stronger, not weaker.
Strategies That Help Me Cultivate Compersion
Compersion doesn’t always come naturally—it’s something I’ve had to cultivate intentionally. Here are some practices that have helped me:
Open and honest communication – Checking in with my partners regularly and expressing both my joys and fears.
Reframing jealousy – Instead of seeing it as a threat, I try to use it as an opportunity for growth.
Celebrating my partner’s happiness – Reminding myself that their joy adds to our connection, rather than taking away from it.
Building my own life – Maintaining my personal passions, friendships, and self-care so that I feel fulfilled outside of my relationships.
Over time, as I reinforced these practices, compersion became more natural, and jealousy became less overwhelming.
A Personal Moment of Compersion
One of my favorite moments of compersion happened at a concert.
My husband, an avid musician, was performing, and his new partner was in the audience with me. As I watched her light up with admiration, I felt an unexpected wave of happiness.
Here she was, seeing him through fresh eyes, witnessing the magic of his talent just like I had years before. And instead of feeling threatened, I felt grateful—grateful that he had someone else in his life who appreciated him as much as I did.
That moment solidified something for me: Love isn’t a competition. It’s an expansion.
Conclusion
Jealousy and compersion aren’t opposites—they’re two sides of the same emotional experience in ethical non-monogamy. Learning to sit with jealousy, process it, and move toward compersion has helped me build deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
For anyone exploring ENM, my advice is this: Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be perfect at navigating jealousy. What matters is that you communicate, reflect, and keep an open heart.
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If you’re exploring ethical non-monogamy, take some time to reflect:
When have you experienced compersion?
What triggers jealousy for you, and how do you process it?
Let’s start a conversation. Share your experiences in the comments, or join a discussion in ENM communities.
Love freely. Love fully. Love without limits.
Navigating Ethical Non-Monogamy:A Personal Journey of Love and Friendship
TikTok video from 2022-01-13
Love is limitless. I never imagined that, after 35 years of marriage, I would be rewriting my own love story—one filled with new connections, deep friendships, and a kind of freedom I hadn’t known was possible. My name is Lisa, and I’m a polyamorous woman and relationship anarchist. My journey into ethical non-monogamy (ENM) wasn’t about dissatisfaction or escape; it was about expansion—of love, of trust, and of the way my husband and I connect with others.
Ethical non-monogamy isn’t just about multiple romantic partners—it’s about honesty, consent, and meaningful relationships built on communication. My journey hasn’t always been easy, but it has been one of the most rewarding and transformative experiences of my life.
Meeting Orion – A New Connection in Ethical Non-Monogamy
When I first started exploring polyamory, I knew I wanted deep, intentional connections. I wasn’t interested in casual encounters or surface-level interactions—I wanted relationships built on trust, emotional depth, and shared values. That’s when I discovered #Open, a dating and community platform designed for people like me—those embracing ethical non-monogamy with intention.
It was there that I met Orion. Our connection started with slow, thoughtful conversations—discussions about love, philosophy, and the kind of relationships we wanted to cultivate. Over time, messages turned into long phone calls, and eventually, we met in person.
There was no rush, no pressure—just a natural unfolding of connection. In ENM, relationships don’t have to follow a predefined script. Instead, they grow in the ways that feel most authentic, and my bond with Orion deepened in a way that felt effortless and right.
Expanding the Relationship – Meeting Orion’s Wife
One of the most important aspects of ethical non-monogamy is transparency. As Orion and I grew closer, I had the opportunity to visit his home and meet his wife, Ami.
I won’t lie—there was a moment of nervousness before we met. Would she like me? Would there be tension? But as soon as they picked me up at the airport, I was met with warmth and kindness.
Ami was welcoming, confident, and open, embodying the spirit of ENM that I had come to love. The experience reminded me that polyamory isn’t just about romantic partners—it’s also about the friendships we build with metamours (our partners’ partners).
Over time, I found a beautiful balance between maintaining my deep bond with my husband, nurturing my connection with Orion, and fostering a meaningful friendship with Ami. These relationships were never about competition—they were about expanding love, trust, and support. The four of us became friends, organically.
The Unique Friendship Between Orion and My Husband
One of the most unexpected joys of my journey was watching my husband and Orion form a deep friendship. In a world that often paints polyamorous relationships as a source of tension or rivalry, their bond was a refreshing reminder of what ENM is truly about—connection, not competition.
What started as casual conversations evolved into an authentic friendship. They talked about life, philosophy, and the beauty of love without limitations. Instead of seeing each other as "rivals," they became allies in this shared vision of non-traditional relationships.
This is one of the things I love most about ENM. It challenges societal norms about jealousy and possession, proving that love doesn’t take away from one person to give to another—it multiplies.
Creating a Supportive and Loving ENM Community
As our connections deepened, something beautiful happened—we started to build a community together. Instead of treating our relationships as separate and compartmentalized, we embraced the idea of a chosen family.
To avoid extreme weather, we began spending seasons together in different states, creating memories, and sharing experiences. In the winter, Orion and Ami joined us in Florida, and to escape the oppressive heat and humidity of summer, we’d visit them in the upper midwest and work on projects at their home… Instead of living by the rigid structures of traditional relationships, we built a life that worked for us—a life full of love, freedom, and deep companionship.
This experience taught me that polyamory isn’t just about romantic love—it’s about building intentional connections. It’s about creating a support system where everyone thrives.
The Joy of Ethical Non-Monogamy
What I’ve gained from ethical non-monogamy goes far beyond multiple relationships. It’s given me:
The freedom to love without limits
The ability to trust deeply
A community of people who uplift and support me
ENM challenges the idea that love must be restricted to one person. Instead, it allows us to experience a variety of fulfilling relationships, each unique in its own way. Through honesty, trust, and open communication, I’ve created a life where friendship and love are deeply intertwined.
Conclusion
My journey with Orion, Ami, and my husband has been one of the most profound and transformative experiences of my life. Ethical non-monogamy has redefined what love looks like for me, and in doing so, it has given me a deeper sense of self-awareness, emotional security, and connection.
For those curious about ENM, I encourage you to start with communication, self-reflection, and mutual respect. Love is not a finite resource—it grows, expands, and transforms when we allow it to. Whether you’re just beginning your journey or already embracing non-monogamy, open-hearted connections can lead to the most fulfilling relationships of your life.
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If you’re exploring ethical non-monogamy, I encourage you to educate yourself, communicate openly, and connect with supportive communities. Love doesn’t have to be limited by traditional relationship norms—it can be as expansive and abundant as we allow it to be.
Are you curious about ENM? Have you experienced deep, intentional connections in non-traditional relationships? Let’s start a conversation! Share your thoughts in the comments or connect with like-minded individuals in ENM communities.
Love freely. Love fully. Love without limits.
Exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy: Growth, Communication, and New Experiences
TikTok video from 2022-01-12
So, let’s start with the fun stuff! I went to a “play” party with my boyfriend, at a mutual friends home… His wife came a long and later we insisted that my hubby join us. Hubby was not a fan of anything having to do with BDSM, so he wanted to avoid anything that looked violent… But wax and shibari were tame enough activities that we knew he’d enjoy himself and love meeting new folks.
This worked because we were ethically non-monogamous, which for us meant that we could each explore activities, that might even include sex, with other people so that we wouldn’t be alone in that endeavor, but rather have the enthusiastic support of each other… For hubby, he had a band “wife” that he played music with for nearly a decade (actually two of them)... while those activities didn’t include sex, they were our precursor to what would eventually become our open marriage… let’s get into it…
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is a relationship framework built on honesty, mutual, enthusiastic consent, and open communication. Unlike traditional monogamy, ENM offers a space for individuals to explore multiple connections in ways that are transparent and respectful to everyone involved. My experience has been that ENM opened doors to personal growth, stronger partnerships, and fulfilling experiences that I couldn’t have experienced with just my husband.
We didn’t have the imagination or mutual interest to explore things like wax, impact, and electric play… We bought candles, and toys and what we expected to be kinky, fun things, but generally never ended up using most of them.
Not only did we not know how to use them, we didn’t have any way to LEARN how to use them that we were aware of… Of course, all of this was happening in a vacuum, because we didn’t feel comfortable talking to our friends about our interests… but once we made the decision to open things up, suddenly we had so much fun exploring to do AND we had permission to pursue the things we were interested in!
We were navigating love and relationships with a deeper understanding of our desires while celebrating the happiness of each other.—this is the essence of ENM.
What Is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
Ethical non-monogamy encompasses a variety of relationship styles that prioritize consent and ethics over traditional exclusivity. Unlike monogamy, ENM allows individuals to form connections with multiple partners, whether emotional, romantic, or sexual. The following are different types of ENM: Categories if you will…
Polyamory: Engaging in multiple loving relationships with the knowledge and consent of all partners.
Open Relationships: Partners agree to have sexual relationships outside their primary connection.
Swinging: Couples consensually engage in sexual activities with others, often in a social or community setting.
ENM, at its foundation, is all about open dialogue and mutual respect, ensuring ALL relationships remain consensual and transparent.
Personal Growth Through Ethical Non-Monogamy
My life completely changed when I found a community of people who were welcoming of my very naive, yet curious desire to explore play… I thought it was all sexual play and instead I discovered a whole new world of possibilities.
Through ENM, I was encouraged to step outside of my comfort zones and explore activities, hobbies, and communities that aligned with my interests. I found:
Workshops and Events: I went to a rope class to learn Shibari and had my first public scene doing wax play. None of it involved sex. All of it involved negotiation, and clear communications.
Community Involvement: I attended a local meetup to connect with like-minded individuals and found my tribe.
These experiences not only enriched my personal life but also fostered a greater sense of individuality within my relationships.
Discovering More About Yourself
One of the most profound aspects of ENM, for me, has been self-discovery. By exploring multiple connections, managing relationships with people locally and afar, I gained a great deal of insight into my desires, boundaries, and emotional triggers.
Managing Emotions: Plenty of folks experience jealousy and have to manage that. I was lucky. I didn’t. I still don’t get jealous… It comes up, but passes quickly.
Experiencing Compersion: Many in ENM communities find joy in their partner's happiness, a concept known as compersion. This is def more my speed…
I have def grown exponentially since recognizing that I’m a lover… It’s easy for me to love people… and love a lot of them at once. I find that I’m able to manage multiple relationships at the same time, and not have anyone feel left out.
The Role of Communication in Ethical Non-Monogamy
Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful ENM relationships. And it’s hard.
I have to say that this is the most challenging part of it. We might communicate, but we don’t always have the same level of communication skills so it can be difficult… We definitely struggled with communication, but what we didn’t struggle with was our commitment to each other…
Some tips for communication that are helpful… and you should def do your own research…
Active Listening: Ensure your partner feels heard and understood by fully engaging in conversations. (We weren’t great at this… we are interrupters… this was something I got better at…
Regular Check-Ins: Schedule time to discuss feelings, boundaries, and concerns. Decided of weekly, monthly or quarterly works for you… It’s your relationship… do what works for you!
Transparency: Be honest about intentions, desires, and any changes in feelings or expectations. This was something I’ve always been very good with. I like clear conversations and it’s one of the reasons I specifically chose BDSM as my first venture… I knew this was a community very intent on clear communication.
Building Stronger Connections Through ENM
Building trust, empathy, and respect among all partners is essential.
Strategies for Success
Setting Boundaries: Clearly define what is acceptable within your relationships to avoid misunderstandings. Boundaries are my love language!
Respecting Individual Needs: Ensure all partners feel valued and prioritized.
Practicing Empathy: Understand and validate each partner’s feelings, fostering a supportive dynamic.
I wanted to experience deeper intimacy and these practices were essential in doing that… And then there was all the fun to be had as well!.